I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
