This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
