its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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