Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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