i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
