I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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