i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love having hate sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
