he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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