so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
