honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
