Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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