I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
