my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dicks are not precious.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize