we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
