I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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