My nipple is on Facebook.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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