genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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