Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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