I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize