OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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