My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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