you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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