hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
