Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
