Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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