i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
