I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
