I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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