Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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