She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
