Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
