I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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