i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
