accomplished twins. life is a go
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
