is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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