Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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