While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
