Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
