i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
