cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ok first of all what the fuck
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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