I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
