Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
