You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
