it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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