I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
