She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
4 words: hood of his car
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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