So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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