Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
