Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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