So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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