there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize