Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
