Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
