Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
