I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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