there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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