sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
