God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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