Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
time to smoke my breakfast
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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