Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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