if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
