***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
