Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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