saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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